Brittany Cartwright and Jax Taylor go for a stroll and buy $8 lemonades because they’re in LA. The two exchange recounts of what happened the night before. Jax tells Brittany that Luke Broderick got mad because he invited Kristen Doute’s ex-boyfriend Alex Menache to guys’ night out.
Brittany complains that she had to defend Jax after Kristen got all mad about Alex. “Kristen starts bringing up that Janet [Caperna] told Jasmine [Goode], Michelle [Lally] was a racist and a Republican and all this crap,” Brittany says. Flashback to Kristen telling the group that it was Zack Wickham who told her. Zack and his hairpiece yelled, “I never said that!”
At the farmer’s market with the really expensive lemonade, Brittany wonders how Michelle is feeling about being called a racist at her own house.
Michelle is rehashing her own version of events and tells her husband Jesse Lally what Janet allegedly said about her. “What the f*ck is wrong with her?” Jesse says. Their daughter checks him for cursing. “We have a daughter, you can’t use those f*cking words anymore,” Michelle tells him in front of their daughter.
Janet Caperna thinks Kristen Doute has an agenda against her
Jesse suggests that Michelle call Janet, which she does. “I have a super important question and I want you to be completely honest about it. Kristen said that you think or you said that I’m racist and a Republican,” Michelle says over FaceTime.
“That’s complete bullsh*t,” Janet responds. “To throw around a huge accusation like that. Like, I need to have a conversation with her because that makes me like, furious with her.”
In a confessional, Janet says, “Kristen and I have been close for years, and about a year ago, I had to put up a boundary with Kristen because her relationship with Alex was so up and down and back and forth that it was making my head spin. And, as soon as I put up a boundary with Kristen, she didn’t like that.”
Janet continues, “And it feels like any time she has the opportunity to kind of throw me under the bus, she does.”
“This is a whole new, like, low even for Kristen,” Janet tells Michelle over the phone, who points out that Kristen made the accusation when Janet wasn’t there.
Then, Janet spills some tea about Kristen. She tells the cameras that while Kristen was with Alex, she did some questionable things but after she broke up with him, she changed the narrative to being the “victim.” Janet says, “It made me look and go like, we all know that’s not true.”
Janet thinks that when Kristen found out Alex was invited to guys’ night, she flipped out and took her wrath out on Janet. “That’s like, really, really not cool,” she tells Michelle. Messy Kristen from “Vanderpump Rules” is back with a vengeance!
Kristen Doute defends her actions
Kristen and Luke move stuff into their new apartment and she gives him her own version of events. She tells him that she was mad that Jax invited Alex when she specifically told him not to bring her ex around her or Luke.
“I was so f*cking upset when Brittany told me. I felt like I was backed into a corner and I just f*cking reacted,” Kristen tells Luke. He doesn’t look surprised.
“For Jax to do that, it’s just f*cking fake,” Kristen says in a confessional. “Jax promised me he wasn’t going to pull this sh*t. So if he’s going to pull sh*t like that, I’m going to start calling people out.”
Two things are wrong with that statement: 1) After knowing Jax for so many years, Kristen should know he’s capable of being shady. 2) Just because Jax did something wrong, doesn’t mean Kristen calls her friend a racist and a Republican.
Kristen then tells Luke that she shared what Zack supposedly said about Michelle. “Janet was trying to start a bunch of sh*t by insinuating that Michelle could be homophobic or racist and then last night, Zack fully denied it. Kristen belatedly feels bad for tarnishing Michelle’s name.
Luke advises her to keep info to herself and makes Kristen feel better by telling her she looks like an expensive prostitute. “You made me feel better,” she says lovingly. That’s apparently their love language.
Jax Taylor gets his bar up and running
Not to be outdone by Tom Sandoval and Tom Schwartz, Jax is opening up a bar, but unlike his former “Vanderpump Rules” castmates, he’s doing so with the help of Brittany. Except when he and his business partners are interviewing employees, Brittany is conveniently MIA. A Scheana Shay lookalike circa “VPR” Season 1 walks in with red lipstick and Jax can’t wait to shake her hand.
Of all things, he notices that she doesn’t have on a bra. Another prospect named Stephanie shares that she’s a bartender but worked in the medical field for 15 years. “I can save your life and give you a good time,” she says. Jax looks intrigued.
“She’s got the look, she’s got the tattoos, the dark hair. You know, she’s just got that vibe where she just doesn’t put up with sh*t from anybody. Like, she’s exactly what I’m looking for,” he tells the cameras. Maybe, rephrase that statement?
Jax and the partners test her drink-making skills. Stephanie makes a lemon drop, which is pretty basic and very Y2K. “That’s perfect,” Jax says.
Brittany Cartwright holds Kristen Doute accountable
Brittany and Kristen meet up after their explosive fight during girls’ night. Brittany informs Kristen that Janet is super mad at her. Kristen has no idea why because she was only repeating what someone told her, whom she insists was Janet.
Kristen tells Brittany that she felt “backed into a corner,” which is why she blurted out the racist and Republican comment.
“I don’t know if Janet is actually the one who is saying these things or if, like, something was said and Kristen exaggerated it like Jax would. Like, I don’t know,” Brittany says in a confessional.
At the meetup, Kristen shares that her conflict with Zack is making her feel bad. Brittany encourages her to talk to Zack. Kristen calls him and says, “I am wildly confused why you are denying the stuff that you told me.”
When he asks her to clarify, Kristen answers, “Janet told Jasmine that Michelle Lally being a Republican and that she should be careful.”
“The Republican thing was said. But that does not mean racism and I never said that,” Zack insists. Kristen yells, “Why would I use the R-word, Zack, unless it’s what you said to me, so don’t throw me under the bus. ”
Zack doesn’t deny that he talked smack but he accuses Kristen of twisting his words around. Brittany points out that Kristen shouldn’t be repeating stuff that is said to her in confidence. Kristen reluctantly agrees, eventually.
Michelle and Jesse Lally have a therapy session
Michelle and Jesse attempt to work on their marriage with their life coach, Scott. “It’s just constant conflict all the time,” Jesse tells him. Cut to Jesse complaining that Michelle put too much milk in his coffee, which is an obvious dealbreaker.
“A lot of needs are not being met,” Michelle says. “I have felt lonely for a very long time. Raising a child can feel very lonely when you’re not interacting with adults and especially a partner. I get frustrated because he doesn’t understand how I feel. I’m no longer affectionate and he’s not either.”
Michelle tells Jesse that she thinks he’s hard on her and nothing she does is good enough. He replies that he doesn’t understand where she’s coming from and Scott tells him not to analyze it but to just take it in.
Jesse gripes that he lost 12 pounds and that was the only time Michelle complimented him. “I can say the same exact thing about you,” she tells him. “And not only do you not give me a compliment ever in your life, if I ever ask you … I look nice, I got a new dress or my hair is done or whatever … you just look at me.”
Scott asks Michelle when was the last time she felt sexually attracted to Jesse and she can’t respond. “Three years and nine months ago,” Jesse answers for her.
Janet Caperna clarifies what Michelle Lally really said
A very pregnant Janet wants McDonalds and this is a great opportunity for product placement. She tells her husband Jason Caperna what went down with the whole Michelle Republican drama and how Kristen threw everyone under the bus.
Kristen wrote in her Instagram Stores, “I would rather adjust my life to your absence than adjust my boundaries to accommodate your disrespect,” and Janet wonders who that’s aimed towards.
Janet gets to the bottom of Republican-gate. “Michelle, Brittany, and I were at dinner a few months ago and Michelle said something along the lines of, ‘Don’t Say Gay laws protect children.’ And I’m like, ‘No, no, no. Like, that’s, you’re wrong,'” she tells the cameras.
Janet tells Jason that she told Jasmine about the conversation and wondered if Michelle supported the bill. She surmises that Jasmine then told Zack, which somehow got twisted into the group believing Michelle was a racist Republican, which Jason blames on Kristen.
Michelle and Jesse Lally throw a Capri-themed party
Jesse is all hyped about his Capri-themed dinner party and wonders if he has enough booze. According to Jesse, they go to Capri every year to hobnob with rich people whom they can sell real estate to. Michelle tells him to chill and that he’s saying the word “sophisticated” too much. Their dog looks stressed.
Before Kristen arrives, the group is talking about how she needs to be held accountable for her actions. Because no one has fought so far in this episode, we all know what’s coming. “I’m sure she’ll come up like nothing’s wrong,” Janet says.
Kristen comes in and hugs Michelle. She asks to talk to her but Michelle says, “In a minute.” Kristen says sorry and Michelle does the f*ck you smile.
Sh*t goes down during dinner
Everyone breaks bread and Kristen is all hahaha and hehehe, which annoys Janet. “It’s super annoying to see somebody just so flippantly ignoring what’s going on,” she tells the cameras.
They finally address the elephant in the room. “Kristen decided at Michelle’s to say that I said Michelle was racist, which I have never thought in my life, let alone said out loud,” Janet says. “And I don’t know where that came from but I am so disgusted by it.”
“It came from Zack,” Kristen says, which has the whole cast agog. “It did not come from me,” he insists. Kristen then apologizes to Michelle for her comments and says she felt backed into a corner.
Jesse calls Kristen a liar and Luke tells him, “Calm down.” Jesse shoots back, “Excuse me?” Jax’s eyeballs bulge out of his head.
Apparently, Luke has been waiting for a reason to call Jesse out. “This literal sack of sh*t twisted Kristen’s nipple. Now he keeps attacking her. He wasn’t there, he doesn’t know what the f*ck he’s talking about. That’s strike two, and those were big strikes,” Luke tells the cameras.
Nia Booko is the only one who sees that Kristen is trying to take accountability but no one is listening to her. Janet tells Kristen that she can never trust her again.
Everyone starts talking over each other and Jesse slams the table. “Everybody shut the f*ck up, Michelle’s gonna talk.” Jax holds his head like, “I’m too old for this sh*t.”
Jesse tells the group, “You disrespected my family name. We have a business that we run together. If something like that gets out, you’re ruining lives.”
Michelle adds, “Not only that,” until Jesse gives her the hand. “Michelle, please.”
He then tells Kristen, “You were thrown off [Vanderpump Rules] for being an actual racist.”
In a confessional, Kristen tearfully recounts how falsely blaming Faith Stowers for a crime and then getting canceled was one of the hardest moments of her life and now she’s reliving being labeled a racist. The group is all speechless. To be continued…
