Brittany Cartwright is about to go to Malibu with the girls. “Are you excited for a night without me?” she asks Jax Taylor, who is cleaning the kitchen. “You should go out with your girlfriends. You need to go out there and have fun,” he tells her.
“You say that and then you get mad at me whenever I get home,” she replies. “I get mad at you when you come home wasted and come into the room when I’m sleeping. That’s when I get mad at you,” he answers.
In a confessional, Brittany says, “I love Jax but I literally try to be positive and happy and Jax is a lot of the times moody and negative.”
At home, Brittany tells Jax she’s bringing games and tequila on the trip and he mutters, “God forbid you forget the tequila.” No wonder she needs a girls’ trip.
Janet Caperna can’t come fast enough and Brittany can’t wait to get out of there.
Nia Booko is at the Malibu house already and welcomes Michelle Lally and Jasmine Goode. They gawk at the ocean view because they can’t afford $25,000 a month for a place like that.
Brittany Cartwright spends the drive complaining about Jax Taylor
On the way to Malibu, Brittany complains about how there’s a double standard between Jax and her. “The other day, like, I was hungover not feeling good and Jax like, kept like, making it worse,” Brittany tells Janet, who just wants to eat her Funyons.
Flashback to Brittany asking Jax why he’s mad at her. “You know better. Enough’s enough. Stop f*cking drinking. You want to have more kids? Act like a mom.”
In the car, Brittany says, “But you know, he actually goes out way more than I do, which I don’t even care. I’m like, go. He comes home like drunk or whatever but I do it, it’s like the worst thing in the world.”
“Jax can be a hypocrite with that stuff,” Janet agrees. In a confessional, she says, “Sometimes I’m a little concerned with how lit Brittany’s getting, I’ll be honest. But at the same time, she’s married to Jax Taylor, you know?”
Kristen Doute is the last to arrive and Michelle’s face is like, “Suck a d*ck.” She’s clearly not over being outed as an alleged Republican and a racist.
Kristen Doute is an empath
Nia has organized a sip and paint. They won’t just be drawing anything, however. All the women have to set their intentions and incorporate them into their paintings.
When Michelle gets asked what her intentions are, she, of course, gives a loaded answer. “This has probably been one of my hardest years. I have so many words for intentions but I guess the first one is going to be love. To love myself, to love my family, to love everybody in my life.”
“Except for you, Kristen,” is what she doesn’t say.
No one asks but Kristen inputs, “I’d say my intention for this day specifically is peace.” She goes on to say that she wants people to be more empathetic and can’t help feeling other people’s feelings.
“It is so hard to be an empath. I want to fix everyone’s problems. I want to involve myself because I think that I can because I am a good person,” Kirsten says in a confessional.
The editors did her dirty because as she’s saying this, there are flashbacks of her acting like an a**hole in “Vanderpump Rules” over the years.
Nia has real problems and opens up about feeling the baby blues after having twins. “It’s just a lot and it’s so frustrating because it’s like my brain and my emotions are like separate. Like my brain is like, this is not you. Like you’re fine. Then my emotions, you know, like, nope, you’re sad.” The girls all rally around her and give her words of encouragement.
Michelle and Jesse Lally lay out their marital issues
The ladies are all done with their intentions paintings and Michelle tells Brittany that things aren’t going well with her and Jesse Lally. She says she hasn’t been happy since they had Isabella, which was three years ago.
“When Isabella was born, everything was closed because of COVID so Jesse was very hands-on. And then everything opened and he just kind of left and I do have resentment. It is hard to swallow that I felt alone for so long. We drifted apart,” Michelle says in a confessional. “I seriously see him trying and I’m just holding back. I don’t know what it is in me.”
Back in the Valley, Jesse confides during Jax’s pool day that Michelle wanted to move out a year ago but he convinced her not to.
“If you don’t feel like he’s your best friend, like, your number one … ” Brittany tells Michelle, who says, “No.”
“I do think the constant fighting and bickering and not smiling, I think it’s unhealthy for our daughter, so I think it would be better off that she would see two happy good friends as opposed to us together unhappy,” Michelle tells the cameras.
Jax spills some tea about Michelle hanging out at the Chateau Marmont with a famous director and actor. This isn’t news to Jesse and he jokes, “I told her to hike up her skirt and f*cking drop her blouse down, yeah. Do whatever you have to do.”
Jesse’s jokes are all fun and games until Luke Broderick says in a confessional that he knows a secret “that can end everything.” He doesn’t what it is but his and Jax’s face says it all at the pool.
Brittany Cartwright spills her marriage woes
At their Malibu staycation, the girls play those Jenga games with questions on the blocks. Brittany’s is, “What is the most embarrassing thing you’ve done on a date?” She answers that when she first met Jax’s parents on a boat in Florida, she had a poop emergency and had to go in the water with a bunch of stingrays swimming around her.
Michelle, who is so CONSERVATIVE (pun intended) that she doesn’t even poop while Jesse is in the same room as her, doesn’t even like to say the word. “I go number two,” she says, like a toddler.
As if the oversharing wasn’t too much, Brittany reveals that the last time she and Jax had sex was over a month ago.
Nia, who has three kids under two is even surprised. “I’m doing it more than her.” Brittany says, “That’s why you got three kids.”
Brittany lets it all spill out. “He needs to make me feel like I’m attractive because I don’t feel like that right now,” she tells the group.
In a confessional, Brittany shares that Jax is hard on her and puts her down all the time. “Your partner is supposed to lift you up and make you feel good about yourself and I feel like he’s doing the opposite to me right now.”
Poor Nia needs to go back early because Danny informed her that the babies won’t stop crying so she has to leave.
Hangover blues and baby blues
The next morning, everyone except Janet is hungover. Kristen has mysteriously disappeared early in the morning to go back home and Brittany is so done that she doesn’t even want to drink a Bloody Mary.
“Driving home, I’m gonna have hungover Brittany barfing,” Janet predicts as Brittany is yakking in the bathroom.
Back home, Nia gives Danny a recap of the trip and tells him how Brittany and Jax haven’t had sex for a while. “It got around to Brittany, and she said a month and a half.” Danny’s eyes can’t even open at the thought.
Nia opens up to Danny about her postpartum blues. She starts tearing up while breastfeeding and says, “I don’t want to be like, oh, I’m depressed. Like, I don’t want to say that. I can pull it together and act like nothing’s wrong.”
“It’s high-functioning depression, I’m sure it is,” Danny suggests. In a confessional, Nia cries, “I can function well because I know how to be okay but I’m not really okay.” Danny assures her that her feelings are valid and encourages Nia to get professional help if she needs it.
Jax questions Brittany’s drinking habits
After the girls’ trip, Jax brings up how Brittany didn’t handle herself well. “Yeah, you came home rough,” he told her. “Did you drink a lot?”
“I just, I think I just didn’t eat enough or something. I don’t know. I’m completely better now,” she says.
“But you came home throwing up and all over the place. There was literally a bag of vomit in the driveway,” Jax tells her.
“That’s because I was sick in the car,” she responds. “But the thing is like, you text me and said, ‘Get drunk, have fun, be careful, we love you.’ And then I go and have a fun girls’ night and then you like, make me feel like, guilty for going and having a fun girls’ night.”
Jax says, “I want you to have fun, just didn’t think you were going to come home puking and stuff.”
The conversation pivots to their sex life and when Jax finds out that Brittany told the girls it’s as barren as the desert, his excuse is, “There’s been a lot going on.”
Brittany just wants Jax to make her feel beautiful but he just yawns, “I’m stressed out with a lot of things.” He blames his OCD for not being able to shut off his mind but they have bigger fish to fry. They both agree on not divorcing but we all now how that turns out.
