Tom Sandoval’s ex-assistant Ann Maddox is now an employee at Something About Her, and she couldn’t be more thrilled. She’d probably work there for free just to be near Ariana Madix. The sandwich shop still has a long way to go and the opening looks verrrrry far into the future.
Lisa Vanderpump comes to the shop to visit Ariana and Katie Maloney. It turns out that they fired their chef Penny Davidi.
“She proposed she would like to be paid a salary and then like, a percentage that she would want, so we sent that to our lawyer,” Katie explains. “This isn’t like, the three of us as the Three Musketeers,” Ariana says.
“She receives a salary and then we offered on the back end, 10% of profits from this location. That’s a great deal,” Ariana tells Lisa. Apparently, Penny was okay with it at first and then she wanted a bigger piece of the sandwich.
Scheana Shay continues to be on the fence about Tom Sandoval
Scheana Shay meets Kyle Chan at his store to discuss his upcoming event. Tom Sandoval shows up and she acts all surprised, like it’s not scripted. She makes him get her a sparkling water.
The three sit around awkwardly and Kyle is nervous about his show after Sandoval accused Scheana of being a homewrecker at James Kennedy’s pool party.
“I apologize for bringing up that sh*t, you know, from years ago,” Sandoval tells Scheana. “I shouldn’t have done that. I want things to be good with us.”
“Like literally, that was the only reason I wasn’t even going to put the song out last week. I was like, Tom’s definitely going through it now that this podcast has come out. But I was like, the song was never about you. I did add that line in,” Scheana answers.
“It’s not the end of the world. It just frustrated me,” he says. Scheana starts getting choked up because she thinks he’s been there for her since she joined “Vanderpump Rules” and everyone else ostracized her for being Eddie Cibrian’s mistress. However, she felt like she had to stick with Ariana after Scandoval, which is hard for a flip-flopper
Sandoval asks why there has to be a divide within the group, and it’s because he cheated on Ariana with Rachel Leviss, obviously.
Tom Sandoval isn’t invited to Lala Kent’s birthday
Poor Sandoval, who feels left out, is about to get a phone call from Lala Kent to tell him he can’t come to her birthday party. Good thing he has Kyle as a friend … and apparently, Scheana too, now.
When Lala FaceTimes him, Sandoval is with Scheana. Katie is like, WTF. Sandoval, to his credit, already knows he’s not invited to the party. “I felt like you deserved a FaceTime rather than just like a little text message,” Lala tells him.
At the store, Kyle says, “Wait, did you just get disinvited before you even get invited to a party?” He laughs because it’s kind of funny. Sandoval says, “I’m so used to it.”
Lala Kent turns 33
It’s Lala’s birthday party and all that she wants is another baby, yeah. “If I could just, rule the world, have a positive pregnancy test, end the custody battle, I feel like it’ll be a good f*cking year,” she tells the group. Heather McDonald is sitting there asking herself why she’s hanging out with a bunch of Millenials.
The burlesque dancers come out and Brock Davies starts to short-circuit. Scheana is just grateful that he has his wedding ring on.
Everyone’s having fun and Lala feels the need to ruin it. She tells Ariana that she FaceTime Sandoval because she invited Tom Schwartz to her b-day party and didn’t want him to accidentally bring his BFF.
Then, Lala asks Scheana why she was with Sandoval. “I was at Kyle Chan’s. We were going over the performance for Friday and Sandoval, I guess, is making sure all of the equipment for the band is like, good to go,” she explains.
“Did you talk to him at all?” Lala asks. “He apologized. I just said, ‘I miss you,’ and he like, had tears in his eyes too,” Scheana says. Ariana looks disgusted.
“So, if we could just move forward in a way that we’re not going back to the past, I have nothing else to say to him,” Scheana adds. Lala inputs that she just wants the group to “co-exist in peace.”
“What is going on? It honestly makes me feel like I’m being like, gaslit or something, as if what happened was not clear as f*cking day,” Ariana tells the cameras. “It has nothing to do with me. It has to do with the fact that he repeatedly treats her like sh*t and doesn’t actually give a f*ck about her.”
LA –> SF
The group heads to San Francisco for Kyle’s event and Lala is already low-key throwing shade at Ariana’s new boyfriend Daniel Wai. “My first impressions of Dan. Let me put it this way, like, you can tell me he’s a great guy all the livelong day. I think it’s f*cking weird that any dude would be like , ‘She’s the one. Just left her man of 10 f*cking years and they still live together. I’m sorry, something seems off, right?'” Lala says in a confessional.
The “Vanderpump Rules” cast goes on a boat ride and it’s not clear if Dan isn’t invited or if he chooses not to go, but he says he’s going to go work out or get a massage. That actually sounds heavenly compared to being stuck in a body of water with drama.
They all buy hoodies because clearly, anything under 70 degrees is cold AF for these Los Angeles pansies. Apparently, being on the water brings out Schwartzy’s dumb sentimental side because he tells Sandoval that he just might move in with him.
To make it official, Schwartz gives Sandoval a pink handcuff keychain. “Who says I can’t commit?” Schwartz says. Somewhere in the distance, Jo Wenberg lets out an anguished scream.
Sandoval starts reminiscing about his and Ariana’s first trip to San Fransisco. “That’s sad,” Lala says. “Well, it was a happy time,” he muses. Then, the water gets just as rocky as his relationship with Ariana and they’re about to capsize.
“I cannot die on this tiny boat with my ex,” Ariana tells the cameras. Thankfully, the worst is over and James Kennedy can go back to twirling on the stripper pole.
Brock Davies tries to mansplain forgiveness to Ariana Madix
Everyone departs the rough seas intact and Brock asks Ariana how she feels about being around Sandoval. “He’s like scenery at this point,” Ariana tells him. Brock mentions that this time is better than their last group beach outing.
“Do you see there in the foreseeable later-on future?” Brock asks, wanting Ariana and Sandoval to get along for the sake of Scheana’s peace of mind. Ariana points out that her ex screamed at Scheana at James’ pool party not too long ago.
“I care more about her than to allow her to have people in her life that are going to scream at her like that,” Ariana tells Brock.
Then he gets all preachy. “Forgiveness isn’t accepting what he’s done. Forgiveness is like giving yourself the ability to focus on the good things that you have going on around you,” he says as if he’s giving a Ted Talk.
Ariana, who is too nice to tell him to f*ck off, says, “Absolutely, but in order to like, move on happily with your life and focus on the good, you 100% do not have to forgive anyone who’s traumatized you.”
She points out to Brock that men rage all the time, ahem Brock, Schwartz, Sandoval, and James, but when the women in “Vanderpump Rules” rage, then it’s suddenly a problem. Take that, Brock!
Lala Kent is thirsty
Lala comes to Ariana’s room to get ready and when she sees Dan in a towel, her eyes twinkle like the Alcatraz at night. “Look at your fly-looking ass with your long hair,” she says.
Dan is not just fly but he also put Ariana’s Celcius drink on ice and ironed all her clothes. Take notes, Sandoval.
Lala asks him what he would do if Sandoval tried to talk to him and he says, “He hasn’t done anything to me but I know what he’s done.”
Lala, who has had to look at her ex Randall Emmett for about six years, tells Dan, “You’ve got a good body. Good for you. Do you work out?” Take a step back, desperate housewife.
The Vanderpump Rules cast goes back to their ’20s
Brock throws a 1920s-themed party because apparently, they don’t do that in Australia and he has FOMO. James doesn’t need a reason to put on a Newsboy cap and a vest. Katie is rocking menswear with a necktie and blazer.
Schwartz, who looks like a character from Oliver Twist, goes up to Katie and Ariana. “Look at us, we’re friends again,” he wishes. “Oh, are we?” Ariana asks.
Then, Schwartz starts flirting with Katie. “You like me again,” he tells her. “No, I don’t,” she says, but she’s smiling.
The cute moment becomes cringe when Schwartz proposes a one-night hookup with Katie. She looks like she’s going to barf on the wharf and he says, “Hear me out. We’re going to order $150 minimum junk food. We’re going to scroll aimlessly and we’re not going to talk at all, just like we used to. That’s our thing.”
Surprisingly, Katie tells him, “I don’t want that.” Tom does his “Aw, shucks” dance and walks away. Hyuck, hyuck.
Scheana Shay tries to reason with Tom Sandoval
Sandoval and Scheana talk. He tells her that he’s glad Ariana has Dan, given her mental health struggles. Scheana points out the things that Sandoval has outed about Ariana’s mental health, like telling the world, “She threatened to f*cking kill herself.”
“Is that something you can apologize for?” she asks him. “I’m just asking if you could say, ‘You know what? Maybe I shouldn’t have said that to deflect from my actions and make an excuse for it when at the end of the day, she just wanted to make it work.” Sandoval agrees and he starts to cry as he hugs Scheana.
