James Kennedy and Ally Lewber are nicely situated in their new home situated under a busy flight path and the DJ is adorably picking out an outfit for his girlfriend. Ally shares that she has invited Jo Wenberg to James’ DJing event and even though she’s not ready to be BFFs, she doesn’t want to not include her in the friend group.
Billie Lee visits Tom Sandoval at his shared house with Ariana Madix and tells him she’s always nervous coming over because of his ex. Clearly, Billie has gone toward Sandoval’s side. Sandoval tells Billie that he doesn’t want to move out because it’s a “great house.”
Sandoval tells the cameras that he wants to buy Ariana out of the house for “top market value” but she hasn’t responded to his email. “It’s made very, very clear to her that she will get a check for the entire amount and be able to walk away free and clear, and I haven’t heard anything back.”
Ariana is getting ready to go to James’ event and she calls Sandoval’s assistant Ann Maddox to see if she’s going to bump into him downstairs. Ariana then asks Ann if she can recommend anyone as an assistant for herself. Lo-and-behold, Ann asks, “Ariana, can I be in the running, please?” Ariana laughs at the thought of poaching Sandoval’s assistant and tells her, “Yes, of course.”
Schwartzy drops a bomb about him and Scheana Shay
Tom Schwartz and Lala Kent meet up to do shots of healthy stuff. They joke about dates and it’s unclear if they’re talking about grown-ups meeting for a hang or the fruit. In any case, it’s very awkward chemistry between the two. Lala tells Schwartz that when she feels awkward she makes sex jokes or talks about her vagina.
Schwartz starts talking about Jax Taylor and Sandoval, pointing out that everyone has cheated at some point in their lives, which tracks with the “Vanderpump Rules” group. “We’ve all cheated; like everyone’s done stupid sh*t. I’ve cheated, I was a makeout slut.
Then he shares, “Made out with Scheana like, 12 years ago in Vegas.” Lala looks shocked. “No one even knows that,” Schwartz says, except now everyone knows that now.
“It was, like, the most innocuous thing ever,” Schwartz insists. He tries to sweep it under the rug but Lala isn’t letting it go. Schwartz does his aww-shucks laugh like he didn’t plan this for a storyline.
“Pre-Katie?” Lala asks. “Me and Katie were dating but it was like a rocky moment,” Schwartz answers.
In a confessional, Lala complains how she and Scheana Shay had gotten super tight but she was never told about the illicit hookup, like she is entitled to all of her friends’ secrets.
Lala then asks Schwartz if Katie Maloney knows and he’s like, “I don’t know,” which basically means no. Schwartz rubs his eyes like he’s a toddler who knows he’s going to get a big time out.
Katie Malony finds out about Schwartz and Scheana Shay’s makeout sesh
Katie comes over to Lala’s house and we all know what’s going to happen. “Oh my god, I have something to tell you,” Lala tells Katie before she even has a chance to pour her own BYOB drink.
“I had smoothies at Kreation with, um, Schwartz. He drops on me … ‘A few years ago, Scheana and I made out in Vegas,'” Lala tells her friend. “What?” Katie asks.
“Are you kidding me? I just have so many questions, like, when was this, and where exactly was this? And was this the time that Schwartz said he went to Vegas and made out with one of Scheana’s friends, and was it actually in fact, Scheana?” Katie says in a confessional.
Lala tells the cameras that she wrestled with telling either Katie or Scheana first. Ultimately, she didn’t want to give Scheana a chance to talk her way out of this situation.
Jo Wenberg is bullied out of her TomTom hat
The group shows up at James’ DJing event at Hotel Ziggy. Everyone is dressed casually except for Scheana who felt a “vibe” in her matching two-piece. Ariana saunters in with her see-through revenge dress. “Ariana looks great. Good dress for her,” Sandoval mutters.
Scheana feels sketchy about Jo because she believes she knew about Scandoval and was complicit in Rachel Leviss’ hookups with Sandoval. So, she does the mature thing and asks Jo why she’s wearing a TomTom cap and makes her take it off. “I’m gonna bully you. Take the f*cking hat off!” Scheana says.
Jo laughs it off but later tells the cameras, “It’s comfortable. Looks good on me. Chill.” She adds, “It’s 100% bullying and it’s like, it’s not fun. It’s horrible.”
Lala, Scheana, Ariana, Katie, and Ally go over to the side to talk some more smack about Jo. Ally tells them that when she asked Jo about her relationship status with Schwartz, Jo told her that she had feelings for him similar to what she felt for her father. “Does she f*ck her dad?” Ariana asks.
Ariana then tells the cameras that Jo was spending the holidays with her while knowing that Sandoval and Rachel were full-on hooking up, so she has no sympathy for her. Jo walks away crying as the girls cackle. It’s like Stassi Schroeder from “Vanderpump Rules” Season 1 is back, but she isn’t!
Schwartz and Brock Davies see Jo running off crying. Brock goes to the girls and Scheana’s all, “Where’s Jo?” and Brock sees right through her and tells her, “Relax on the ‘Where’s Jo.'”
Vegas makeout-gate comes out
Lala tells Ariana what she learned about Schwartz and Scheana’s makeout. Ariana is agog and aghast.
Ariana says, “I made out with Scheana in Vegas, but is this the same time?” This group shouldn’t accuse others of incest, which is pretty apparent. Venn diagram time. If Scheana made out with Schwartz in Vegas at the same time Ariana made out with Scheana, then by default, Ariana and Schwartz made out.
Katie, Ariana, and Lala talk about how bothered they are by this hush-hush secret between Schwartz and Scheana when Sandoval walks up to them and wants to talk to his ex.
“I just want to make sure you got the email that I sent, uh, earlier, like, couple, like, a month ago…” Sandoval stammers. “My lawyer has it,” Ariana tells him dismissively. He stands there awkwardly and asks her if she can move things along regarding the house so that he they can move on. Ariana refuses to even look at him.
Lala gets shady and tells the cameras Ariana should just GTFO. “It’s f*cking weird. The brand deals are endless. Trust me b*tch, you’re doing just fine, you can afford an apartment.” Apparently, L does not stand for loyalty.
Sandoval flirts with a woman named Tii. His game is so lame and they make plans to go bowling.
Katie confronts Scheana about the makeout with Schwartz. Scheana explains that she was there with her mom and sister for her cheer competition and that Ariana was there with them. “And Schwartz pulls me in the corner and kisses me.”
When Katie asks about the timeline, Scheana says, “I think Shay and I were maybe just engaged.” She then tells Katie that it wasn’t a makeout so much as it was Schwartz grabbing her, but adds, “Can I tell you who I was making out with on that trip? Ariana.”
Katie tries to explain to Scheana that she had her in her wedding and didn’t expect her to hide something like this. Scheana tells her that she was rooting for her and Schwartz and didn’t want to ruin their relationship over a stupid Schwartzy moment. Both have their points but Scheana should know that Katie is not so quick to forgive.
“I don’t like liars and especially lying by omission. It’s just making me wonder if I’ll ever be able to really fully trust or be close to Scheana,” Katie tells the cameras.
Lala Kent has gone over to Sandoval’s side
Lala, who roasted Sandovoal over coals and then finished him off with a flamethrower last season, is now leisurely having mocktails with him, along with James and Schwartz. She shares that her latest venture is as a water sommelier and is hosting a water-tasting event and invites Sandoval. Sounds like a blast. Are they going to sit around and swirl water in a glass? “I taste notes of water with nuances of water.”
Lauren from Utah then admits that she felt bad when Ariana iced out Sandoval at the Hotel Ziggy event. Sandoval is grateful for any sort of support and tells the group that the experience has “been humbling” while still wearing his lightning bolt earrings.
Sandoval tells Lala that he’s been working with a healer and asks if she wants to come with him to a session the next day. “In a way, it seems less about reconnecting and more about like actually building something new,” he says in a confessional. He’s slowly recruiting Ariana’s friends to the dark side. Lala tells him that she’ll think about it.
Tom Sandoval tries to heal
Because this is LA, Tom Sandoval doesn’t just go to a therapist but does some kooky breath work while wearing headphones.
“In, in, out. Investing in yourself and your spiritual growth. Stay on track,” the expert tells him. Lala walks in wearing a puffer coat and Mary Jane platforms. Sandoval is convulsingng on the floor. Lala’s like WTH did I get myself into? Sandoval is instructed to scream and he lets out a yell.
Lala tells Sandoval that when he was opening his bar, she was there for him but when she went through her split with Randall, he never reached out to her. Sandoval apologizes and adds, “I didn’t feel sometimes appropriate doing that ’cause there was a bit of a disconnect with us.”
She explains that her treatment of Sandoval wasn’t just aimed toward him, but at every dude who was sketchy. “And I know that it’s not fair and I’m working on it and I’m trying to heal and I’m trying to trust again, and I don’t want you paying for my experience with someone else.”
“I just want positivity and I want to be positive to other people. I don’t want to walk in a room and people be like, ‘Oh, f*ck.’ I don’t want that,” Sandoval says. Is this the beginning of a Lala and Sandoval friendship?
There’s something about her… or is there?
Ariana and Katie meet up at their sandwich shop location, which looks like it’s coming along despite no news on its opening. The group comes over and they taste different sandwiches. “Why are we doing this again? We did this last summer,” Lala asks the cameras.
Schwartz suggests a “hangover” sandwich, to which James quips, “We all know he likes a sloppy Jo, right?” The group doesn’t know whether to laugh or gasp in shock and that’s why Bravo keeps James on their paycheck.
James says what we’ve all been thinking. “I had very high hopes for the girls in the beginning of this whole sandwich endeavor but you know, as the weeks turn into months and the months turn into more months, there’s not much difference between Ariana and Katie’s sandwich shop and Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Little Dick’s Schwartz and Sandy’s, is there!”
Lala Kent vs. Ariana Madix
The “Vanderpump Rules” group heads over to SUR because they still have to make it seem like the show is about Lisa Vanderpump even though she never shows her face. Lala tells Ariana that she was over at their house during Sandoval’s breath therapy session.
Lala tells Ariana that she connected with Sandoval like she hadn’t over their many years of knowing each other. “Very cool, Lala. Very cool. Don’t know if I really buy it, but cool,” Ariana tells the cameras.
Ariana shares that she had to take her dog for an endoscopy after Sandoval locked her dog in her room with takeout containers of food after Ziggy night and poor Mya ate wooden skewers from Ariana’s chicken satay, which cost her $6,000.
“Thankfully, the vet was able to get everything out and Mya’s okay, but this is just like, add it to the laundry list at this point of reasons why my ex cannot be trusted to have decent judgment when it comes to anything,” Ariana says in a confessional.
Lisa Vanderpump is here, darling
Lisa Vanderpump makes her gratuitous appearance to taste Katie and Ariana’s sandwiches. “This is ages since they did that,” she says, contrary to Lala complaining that they tasted them last summer.
“Can’t believe the sandwich shop is still not open. They signed the lease over a year ago,” Lisa says. “And the money they’ve spent on the place? Cost a fortune to have a space that’s empty.”
Katie tells Lisa and Ken that she heard Schwartz and Scheana made out. Ken almost almost spits his sandwich out.
Schwartz conveniently comes over with espresso martinis. “I can’t believe you made out with Scheana,” Lisa tells him. “And I was so trusting. So trusting. You’ve had it so good for so many years,” Katie says. “And now you got Sloppy Jo.” Schwartz can’t take any confrontation so he runs away per usual.
Brock Davies drops a bomb about Katie Maloney
After Schwartz complains to Brock about Katie, he’s told that his ex-wife went home with his friend Max Boyens, the one who got fired from “Vanderpump Rules” due to past racist comments.
“Yeah, this has all the telltale signs of a revenge bang,” Schwartz tells the cameras.
Brock tells Schwartz that he tracked Max’s location and it was at his and Katie’s house. “It was bound to happen,” Brock says. In a confessional, Brock shares that the hookup happened after the Ziggy night, which to be fair, Katie had every right to go home with anyone she wanted to.
Scheana shared that she checked Max’s location, which is weird, given their history.
Sandoval shows up with Tii and Ariana and Scheana conveniently make their way toward her. “I’m sure that you’ve been given a very different version of events from reality, but don’t waste your time with a 41-year-old narcissist,” Ariana tells Tii.
As Ariana is trying to navigate the situation between her ex and a new flame, Scheana makes her displeasure at Brock clearly known, which pivots the attention on her. “She’s upset that I spoke to Schwartz about last night’s interaction with you and Max,” he tells Katie.
Things get messy because Katie can’t sleep with Max because she doesn’t want Schwartz dipping into the friend group, but he did, so she has every right to hook up with Max. Lala, however, doesn’t agree with it and thinks it’s messy. The whole friend group is messy, to be honest. “I just feel like everyone is full of sh*t,” Lala says. Duh.
