After Jax Taylor gets all up in Kristen Doute’s uterus plans, they meet up for a meal at “Smokehouse,” which as Jax points out connotates meat.
“Jax and I have known each other 16 years. I’m a vegetarian so one would think at this point Jax would know better than to take me to a steakhouse,” Kristen says in a confessional.
Kristen orders a house salad and Jax gets a burger with just cheese and ketchup, so choosing a steakhouse was basically moot. He tells Kristen that he’s sorry for getting heated about her baby plans at Janet Caperna’s birthday party.
“What I was trying to figure out was like, why are my guy friends saying, ‘I don’t really trust your decision for your own life, Kristen,'” she tells him. “I don’t care if you have 20 kids, I don’t care if you have five kids. That’s not what I’m saying. I don’t think you guys are on the same page,” he answers.
“I’m pretty good at spotting a Kristen Doute disaster. I can spot it a mile away,” Jax tells the cameras.
At the restaurant, Kristen tells Jax that Luke Broderick is the one despite him telling Jax that he will never move to Los Angeles. She wants the group to treat Luke like he’s going to be in her life forever and asks Jax if anyone even took the time to get to know him. Jax promises her that he’ll invite Luke to a guys’ night out and learn his last name.
Jesse and Michelle Lally’s marital issues
Jesse and Michelle Lally teach their daughter Isabella how to ride a bike. They’re already arguing because Michelle sent Jesse a video on how to teach a kid how to ride a bike and he tells her, you just put a kid on the bike.
“We have literally fought over our parenting styles…” Jesse says in a confessional before Michelle interrupts him. “I didn’t know before having a child that he didn’t have any patience,” she says. He tells the cameras that Michelle will try to reason with Isabella in a soft voice, which he’s hinting doesn’t work, but he’ll come in and yell at her and she’ll stop what she’s not supposed to be doing. Scaring a three-year-old into submission is not something to brag about, dude.
While at the park, Isabella is not having it and runs away from her tricycle. Jesse rides her bike to show her how fun it can be but she still says no.
“Nobody tells you how hard it is to sustain a happy marriage while trying to raise a baby and keeping that love and spark alive. It’s a very scary thought that we might not ever get back to the way things were,” Michelle says in a confessional.
Kristen Doute tells Luke Broderick about nipplegate
Kristen and Luke go hiking/jogging with their doggo. They sit down and discuss baby plans. Luke asks her why the “The Valley” guys are questioning her wanting to get pregnant and she tells him, “I think Jax doesn’t think that I’m taking pregnancy seriously. It’s my life, it’s our life, it’s our family. The only thing that I second guess is my own body.”
She’s worried because she’s 40 and knows that she just can’t get knocked up easily. They both agree to ignore the negative vibes around them.
Then, Kristen tells Luke about Jesse pinching her nipple at Janet’s party. “Jesse was just irritating me anyway. He was just like in my face so I went like this, and like, twisted his nipple. And he like, reached back and did it to me,” she tells him.
Jesse’s face immediately turns into someone you don’t want to mess with. Remember, he chops wood for fun.
“Babe, there’s so much wrong with that … That’s not okay,” he answers. “My blood is boiling right now.” Kristen says, “You’re so hot when you stick up for me.”
Michelle Lally opens up about her marriage problems
Nia Booko, Kristen, and Michelle meet up for some good ole’ Jiu Jitsu. After throwing each other around, Michelle says she wants to practice the moves on Jesse.
“With like, the baby and the marriage, and just everything … so, I’ve always wanted to do therapy. I’ve actually never done it by myself or with a couple or anybody and I’ve always mentioned it throughout the years,” Michelle shares.
Kristen then tells them that she doesn’t know why the guys are yapping in her ear about her baby plans. “Literally not one of them should have an opinion on anything to do with you or your body,” Nia says. Kristen admits that she had lunch with Jax and that it went better than their talk at Janet’s party.
Jesse Lally claims he doesn’t remember the nipple incident
Jason Caperna, Jax, and Jesse play hockey. Jason sucks and Jesse says Jax sucks. After less than five minutes, the daddies are winded and need a beer break.
Jax tells Jason that he hasn’t played hockey in three years and warns him, “When the baby comes, all your fun activities that you used to do — all gone.”
Jax then reveals to Jesse that Kristen told him about the nipple incident. Jesse says, “I don’t remember that at all … I don’t remember doing that. Like, I’m sure there’s other things that I would do but the nipple twister doesn’t seem like kind of my style.” This leads to the question, what is his style?
Jason gets all lawyerly and says in a confessional, “Allegedly, Kristen twisted his nipple first. But it feels like a woman’s nipple is an elevated position to a man’s nipple, though. It seems like a man’s nipple is more fair game. But I also do have very sensitive nipples so I would not want that at all.”
In an effort to take the heat off of him, Jax says pulling down Danny’s shorts was wrong but it was a more “bro on bro kind of thing.” He tells the guys that he wants to invite Danny out for drinks to apologize again and asks them if it would be weird to invite Kristen’s ex Alex Menache along with Luke.
“I think you’re a child for even thinking of it because here you are inserting yourself in their relationship. What’s going to happen if Alex and Luke go off in the corner and they have this pow-wow? What if Luke comes back and says, ‘I don’t want to be with you anymore. I’m leaving and good luck on your next baby search,” Jesse says, which is the most sensible thing he’s said so far this season.
Jesse Lally defends nipplegate
It’s the guys’ night out and Jax is already complaining about having to hang out with Luke because Kristen wants her boyfriend to be included. Doesn’t she know that Jax is the number one guy in the group?
Luke and Jax arrive first. “How’s your week been?” Luke asks like they’re a couple who are on a reluctant date and don’t have anything else to talk about. “Um, I mean all right,” Jax answers, while not looking at Luke in the face. He’s fidgeting like a disgruntled husband who’d rather be playing Fantasy Football with his bros than be making conversation with his wife. Thankfully, Danny arrives and their relief is palpable.
Jax apologizes again for the pants incident and Danny must be from the Midwest or Canada because he’s so nice about it. “I’m one to never hold a grudge. Jax and I have been friends for years and I know that he has a good heart and a good soul. Nia took it harder than I expected, but it’s not the first time I’ve been pantsed,” Danny tells the cameras.
Luke tells the guys that he has a bone to pick with Jesse. “That’s disrespectful to her, it’s disrespectful to me, it’s just, it’s not okay.” Right on cue, Jesse arrives.
“You grabbed her boob?” Luke asks him. “So, I’ll be completely honest with you. I dont’ remember her touching me or grabbing my nipple and I don’t remember doing it to her. And I’m not saying it’s a lie,” Jesse answers.
“Well, there’s no question about if it did or didn’t happen,” Luke interrupts. “Well there’s a question for me,” Jesse says. “Well, there isn’t for Kristen, who is the person that got grabbed. There’s no question for me because I 100% trust my girlfriend,” Luke responds. “I’m not that type of person,” Jesse shoots back, which obviously he is because he did it.
After Jesse keeps dancing around the topic, Luke finally tells him to “own up to it” and apologize to Kristen.
Jax Taylor’s invite causes a lot of drama
As the boys’ night goes on and many Clase Azul shots are taken as if they’re millionaires, Jax pulls Luke aside and tells him, “I want you part of this group as much as anyone. I’m trying to figure out a way to where we all can hang out … Dude, you’re a reasonable guy and you’re a nice guy, and so is Alex.”
Luke looks reasonably confused and asks Jax where he’s going with this schtick. Jax then reveals that he invited Alex to the group hang. “Did I f*ck up?” he asks, knowing full well that he did.
At girls’ night, Brittany confesses to Kristen that Jax invited her ex to the guys’ hang. Kristen freaks out immediately and Brittany tells her, “It’s going to be fine.” Kristen says, “Come the f*ck on, Brittany,” because not everyone looks through rose-colored glasses.
“Jax actually had good intentions,” Brittany tries to reason. “I’m gonna tell you, he wants everybody to be okay to hang out.”
In a confessional, Kristen gives the backstory of her breakup with Alex. She reveals that when she got fired from “Vanderpump Rules,” he made her feel like a reality television loser.
Back at the house, Brittany points out that Jax and Alex have been friends for a while and suggests that Luke is the outsider in the group, which has steam coming out of Kristen’s ears.
“You just said Alex deserves to be there more than Luke,” Kristen tells Brittany, who rolls her eyes.
At the bar, Alex is talking to Jax with a white beanie condom-looking hat, even though they live in Los Angeles. Jax is trying to dig up dirt and asks, “Weren’t you paying her mortgage for a while?” Alex says, Well, I lent her a lot of money and I sold the house for free.”
“Okay, so she forgets to tell people things like this, little details,” Jax says. “And she lived in my house for six months for zero dollars,” Alex adds. For someone who’s been friends with Kristen for 20 years, it’s sure easy for Jax to throw her under the bus.
Things don’t look so good at the girls’ night in. People are yelling, Kristen is crying, and Nia is like, “Why did I leave my three kids for this?”
