After a shocking Season 4 when Heather Gay outed Monica Garcia as the troll Instagram account, Reality Von Tease with “Receipts. Proof. Timeline. Screenshots,” the “Real Housewives of Salt Lake City” Season 5 cast is ready to move on. But, can they?
Lisa Barlow is throwing her Besos party for Galentine’s Day in an attempt to promote her Vida Tequila line bring everyone together again.
Unfortunately, she already has beef with one of the cast members. In a flashback, Lisa tells Angie Katsanevas and Heather that she’s inviting Whitney Rose despite some talking smack about her on Nick Viall’s podcast.
“She doesn’t care about anything else other than being right … Lisa’s always been the villain!” she stated ahead of the “Real Housewives of Salt Lake City” Season 5.
In another twist, Mary Cosby and Angie are now besties and show up at Lisa’s party together. Last season, Mary was all, “Who is Angie?” Now, they’re wearing matching outfits and making sure they don’t fall on the cold Utah snow in their stilettos.
Heather shows up with her friend Britani Bateman and the first thing Mary tells her castmate is, “You’re thin!” Finally, Heather gets the validation she’s been missing before taking Ozempic.
More Mormon people show up and then newbie Bronwyn Newport makes a grand entrance in a giant red Yves Saint Laurent fur heart jacket looking like the Looney Tunes character, Gossamer. Well-played, new girl.
Britani Bateman puts her foot in her mouth
Whitney arrives with her friend Meili Workman. Lots of new “friends” this year. It feels like Bravo is auditioning for a new cast member. We’ll see who makes the cut!
Britani has just come off a breakup with an Osmond (not Donny, one of his nephews) but it sounds like she’s still hung up on him. “He’s yummy,” she says in a confessional. Girl needs to look outside of Utah.
Bronwyn and Mary are bonding over fashion when Britani comes over and says of the red fur coat, “I love your costume!” Bronwyn is about to turn into Gossamer and growls, “You can’t come to this couch with Mary and I and call it a costume!” Mary says, “That’s fashion, honey.” Oops.
Mary tells Britani that she has a whole room full of fashion because when she was younger, she didn’t have much growing up with five siblings. “So you became a hoarder,” Britani says. Mary responds, “Not a hoarder, that’s a little much.”
Britani then says, “I was there. I grew up poor.” Mary looks so offended that Britani very well may have accused her of marrying her step-grandfather. Oh, wait.
Mary says that she wasn’t poor but Britani doesn’t know when to stop. “I come from five siblings and so I found myself hiding rolls in my purse to take it home.” Britani adds, “Well, maybe if you grew up poor, you’d understand.” Mary walks away in her Dolce & Gabbana coat in disgust.
Meredith Brooks has a bath bomb bone to pick with Whitney Rose
Before the Besos party, Meredith had told Heather that she was upset with Whitney. Get in line, lady. Meredith’s gripe was that during the “Real Housewives of Salt Lake City” Season 4 reunion, she said she was going to launch a line of bath bombs and then Whitney decided to come out with her own line of bath products.
“The bath is my thing. Everybody knows it,” Meredith says. Because apparently only she takes baths, she says, “It is an attack on me.”
At the party, Meredith can’t hold back her ire anymore and asks Whitney what’s up with the bath bombs. “I think that you’re reading way too much into this,” she responds.
Meredith responds by telling her that she doesn’t want to be friends anymore. Whitney points out that she had always carried bath bombs with her previous brand, Iris and Beau. They argue about bath bombs some more until Angie nudges her way in because alas, she’s got a bone to pick with Meredith.
Hear ye, hear ye, Angie Katsanevas is upset at Meredith Brooks
It seems Angie had a long list of grievances toward Meredith, which she has written down on a scroll like she’s a medieval town crier. She wants an apology for things like Meredith allegedly accusing her of being in the Greek mafia and supposedly telling someone to sue her for her home.
Everyone’s agog that Angie would go to such lengths as to make a scroll and they’re actually quite impressed. “She is a hard worker. She works hard,” Mary tells the cameras.
Meredith denies that she ever told anyone to sue Angie for her house and disengages herself from the conversation.
Whitney Rose tells Lisa Barlow to besos her ass
During dinner, the Vida cockies are flowing and Mormonism is being swept under the table for just one night.
Then, Whitney asks why Lisa is upset with her. Lisa says that she didn’t like being spoken about in the podcast, to which Whitney replies, “Well, I think that you’re self-absorbed so you heard it was about yourself.”
Lisa wants an apology but Whitney asks what she needs to apologize for. She says that she just shared her “fillings,” which is not lying.
Whitney accuses Lisa of talking badly about her every chance she gets and reveals, “It was brought to me this week.” Lisa asks her, “What did you hear that I said this week?” She deduces that it was Angie and starts waving her nails around.
She’s hurt that she confided in Angie, only to have her tell Whitney about the conversation. “It’s isolating to feel like in a friendship, you can’t be 100% who you are with your friend because they’re not going to keep it in confidence,” Lisa tells the cameras.
Lisa then goes on a rant about how Whitney has lied about her, including the time she said she was sleeping with someone for Jazz tickets. A glass goes flying. What is this, “The Real Housewives of New Jersey?”
“I have never lied,” Whitney says, and Heather guffaws. Like, belly laughs. Meredith jumps on the train and bashes Whitney for spreading lies about her father’s memorial. Heather then accuses Whitney of blaming her for writing about her in her memoir. Meredith points out how Whitney also alleged that Mary was running a cult.
Everyone’s yelling at Whitney and she accuses Lisa of weaponizing her healing journey against her. “You want to meet the hilled Whitney?” she asks. She then pulls out her middle finger and says, “F*ck you, Lisa Barlow.” Whitney storms out the door and Angie follows her. The lines have been drawn and this is just the premiere of the “Real Housewives of Salt Lake City” Season 5.
