Danielle and Nate Cabral take their daughter Valentina to get headshots because they want to make money off of her she just got signed with a talent agency. Danielle has been trying to get Valentina into the entertainment industry since she was two years old and hopes to make her dorter a star.
“It was totally my idea to get Valentina signed. Nobody should be surprised that this is like, the avenue I wanted to go with my family. Like, Valentina will win an Oscar one day. This is just how it was supposed to be,” Danielle tells the cameras. She’s blatantly proud of exploiting her daughter, which is gross.
It’s time for the second look, which is a sparkly dress with smiley faces. Poor Valentina’s smile is upside down because she’s hungry but Mommy needs her headshots. She promises Valentina a Big Mac afterward.
Danielle talks about throwing Nate a party down at the Jersey Shore to celebrate the six years since he had a cyst removed from his brain. She’s going to invite everyone from the “RHONJ” cast, including Teresa Giudice, but has high hopes everyone will be on their best behavior because this is a celebration of life party. Um, was she not there at Jen Fessler’s birthday?
Dolores Catania is now a real estate agent
Dolores Catania finally has a storyline that isn’t about Teresa. She has her real estate license and wants to sell houses. It’s a boring storyline but at least she has one. She jokes with her boyfriend Paul Connell that he can help her look for houses.
“I moved in with Paul almost a year ago but I still consider myself to be a very independent person. So getting back into real estate feels very natural. I flipped houses with Frank, I know the business. It’s like picking up where I left off,” she says in a confessional.
She tells Paul that there have been times when she wasn’t financially independent and making her own money is “liberating” to her.
“Ever since my divorce with Frank, being self-sufficient has been so important to me. Plus, Paul isn’t divorced yet. But, divorced or not, I have to always make sure I can take care of myself,” Dolores tells the cameras.
Melissa Gorga celebrates her daughter’s 18th birthday
Antonia is turning 18 so Melissa Gorga has arranged a birthday lunch with family and friends. “Can you guys believe that 18 years ago today, I was laying there like a piece of meat while they cut my body open?” Melissa tells the table. What a perfectly lovely mealtime conversation.
“Yes, I did, I had a C-section and all,” she exclaims. Everyone suddenly wishes they were somewhere else. Melissa’s sister jokes about how Joe Gorga broke into hives after Antonia was born because he now had a daughter.
“Melissa got pregnant with Antonia within two months that we got married,” Joe tells the cameras. “So we were trying to figure out who we were as a couple while also trying to figure out how to be parents. And this is my baby girl off to college. I’m having it rough.”
At the table, Melissa gives a toast to Antonia. “I’m really so proud of like, who you are because you’re my only daughter and I love you so much,” she says tearfully. “Antonia, I want you to meet new people and explore your oats.” I do not think it means what you think it means.
“That’s not the saying,” her sister says. She tries again. “Explore your wild oats.” Her sister says, “Sow your wild oats” and Melissa asks, “What does that mean?” Oh, Melissa. You’re so pretty.
Teresa Giudice has a spa day at her house
Teresa invites Danielle and Jennifer Aydin for an Emsculpt sesh at her house to firm up their booties. She goes first and immediately starts screaming.
Danielle goes next and she tells the girls that she’s staying with Rachel and John Fuda’s house at the Shore. “It’s like a really slippery slope for me trying to build a new friendship with her,” she says.
“You know, I really like Rachel so I’m not going to be a b*tch to her because her and Teresa are fighting,” she says in confessional.
“Listen, you know me, I don’t tell you who to be friends with, I don’t tell you whose team to be on. You want to be friends with Rachel, like, God bless,” Teresa tells her. We all know that this is not something Tre will forget.
Meanwhile, the other half of the “RHONJ” cast is playing pickleball and Margaret Josephs asks how Teresa started the rumor that John is a drug dealer.
“We were talking about something that happened 20 years ago,” Rachel tells her. She explains in a confessional, “When John was 17 years old, he was selling pot and got arrested. That’s it. That’s the story. So for her to weaponize something that my husband went through as a child is f*cking disgusting coming from a criminal herself.” Oh snap.
It’s fist-pumping time at the Jersey Shore
Everyone’s down at the shore in their respective houses. Melissa is tending to her mom at her own house who has two broken elbows after almost dropping her grandson and falling to the floor.
Jennifer and Dolores arrive at Teresa’s house. It’s Paul’s first time at the shore and he’s in for a treat.
Jen is at Rachel and John’s house with her husband Jeff Fessler. Hopefully, she left her guitar at home.
They talk about what a sh*t show her birthday became after Teresa came for John. He half-jokes to Jen to pick a side. “I can’t associate with people that associate with her,” he says. “I don’t have any beef with Teresa. We’re not close. We’re not like I am with you,” Jen reassures Rachel.
“The thing that is unfathomable to me is that you even want to be her friend,” Rachel says. “The writing’s on the f*cking wall. If there is anyone walking this planet that has seen the way that she and I have interacted, it’s pretty f*cking clear.”
“This is not defending her. I think what she said was horrible. The thing is, this entire group tends to say really crappy, ugly things,” Jen tells her. “That’s not crappy Jen. That’s f*cked up,” Rachel answers.
Danielle and Nate arrive. She begs everyone to be cool at Nate’s party. “Of course, if someone pushes you in an odd way, you’re going to fight back,” John says. “So I’m hoping that no one pushes me.”
Teresa Guidice comes with an agenda
Everyone arrives at the venue for Nate’s party. This season’s “friends-of,” Tiffany Chantal and Kayla Giovinazzo, are introduced to the group.
Teresa walks in and everyone is like, “Bolt down the tables!” They’re all having a grand old time until Teresa takes Jen aside to talk. She tells her that she knows everyone had met at Margaret’s house before last year’s reunion and wants to know why.
“It was like a get-together to say, ‘We’re walking into this sh*t show. It was like, when they come at us with this, we can come back at them with whatever X, Y, Z,” Jen explains.
Flashback to Luis telling Dolores and Jennifer that he had hired Bo Dietl to dig up dirt on all the “RHONJ” cast members.
“Margaret was going to pull out her son’s recording of what happened with that phone call but from what I remember, it wasn’t even used,” Jen tells the cameras.
At the party, Teresa tells Jen, “In New York, Nate, Danielle, and Paulie in the back heard you say, ‘You guys didn’t execute the plan correctly.”
“No, I never said that,” Jen answers. “I said they came in there with the manila envelopes and I was like, ‘You talk this big talk about the manila envelopes and you didn’t even open them.”
Jen wants to address how Luis called Margaret’s son at his work to threaten him. Teresa swears on her four daughters that they did not and then Jen then brings up Teresa calling John the “biggest drug dealer in Paramus.”
Teresa backtracks and claims she was talking about his past. She calls him an amazing father and businessman. Apparently, Jen buys Teresa’s crock of poop and they all keke together. Rachel sees this and is pissed that Jen is fraternizing with her enemy.
