Last week, Kristen Doute lit a match, dropped it into a pool of gasoline, and then walked away. Jasmine Goode asks Michelle Lally if Kristen mentioned having to “protect” her and Michelle remains silent because she is guilty as sin.
“She has been texting other men,” Jax Taylor says in a flashback. “Kristen told me this about Michelle.” Jasmine says in a confessional, “I know deep down inside, Jesse is catching on, ‘Okay wait, maybe there’s some truth to what’s going on here.’ I think that’s why he’s getting so worked up.”
Michelle is going to defend herself til the very end. “She’s still threatening me, She said that my husband told everybody that he’s divorcing me,” she tells the group in order to take the heat off of her.
Too bad Kristen got it backwards and it was Michelle who said she was going to divorce Jesse. Now Michelle is going to use this as a way to make Kristen look like a liar. She’s acting like a literal martyr.
Jesse Lally tells everyone that if anyone is leaving first, it’ll be Michelle. She looks like a deer in headlights. He and Michelle want to boot Kristen out of the friend group. They say it’s either them or her. Bold moves from a couple no one knows, while Kristen stirred up gossip for years on “Vanderpump Rules.”
Michelle Lally is super sus
The following morning, Jesse tells Michelle he’s glad she had his back last night. However, he starts questioning her moves, such as when she said she went out for margaritas with her girlfriends but didn’t take any pictures. She also started putting her phone face-down.
“For years, she wouldn’t go out and have a margarita without doing a boomerang. And then all of a sudden, no more posting, and her thing was, well sometimes I just like to take a break from social media. Bullsh*t,” Jesse tells the cameras. “She never took a break from social media ever.”
“That should not be in your head and you shouldn’t think like that,” Michelle reassures him. “We’ve never had that type of relationship where we have to worry about each other.”
“I hear the word ‘secret’ and my head starts going off, so you can understand why I would be a little bit more affected by it,” Jesse tells her.
“Yeah,” Michelle says while looking down. She sounds very convincing.
Janet Caperna gossips about not wanting to be caught up in gossip
Although the drama has nothing to do with her, Janet Caperna is upset that she’s somehow involved. “I’m still like, shaken over last night,” she tells her husband Jason Caperna.
“Jasmine told me Jax knows what Kristen meant by this protection comment. This is what I think happened. Michelle confided in Brittany and Kristen about something about her marriage. Now, one of them has told Jax,” Janet says.
Jason is all, “What do you and Jasmine have to do with this at all?” Janet is upset that she knows a “secret” and thinks it’s her duty to talk to Brittany about what Jax is going around saying.
She mentions Katie Maloney bringing up a cheating rumor about Jax and wonders how they would feel if no one brought it up to them, and instead, gossiped to other people.
“Certain people need some hobbies or jobs or something because this is just outrageous,” Jason says. Little does Janet know that he’s talking about her.
“Once she got pregnant, Janet quit her full-time job and I didn’t realize that she was going to be picking up another full-time job. Talking gossip, nonstop,” Jason tells the cameras. Oh, snap.
Janet Caperna is the town crier
Janet and Jason go over to Brittany Cartwright and Jax’s house. As soon as they sit down, Janet tells them that Jasmine informed her that Jax knows what the “protection” comment was about.
Jax admits that Kristen told him she thinks Michelle is creeping around on Jesse. “This is again, coming from Kristen, so it could mean absolutely nothing,” Jax tells them.
Janet the detective then tells Brittany that Jasmine told her that she knew about the gossip as well. “I’m not like Kristen. I’m not going to tell my friend’s business.” There are so many people throwing everyone under the bus that it’s like a game of Crossy Road.
“Whether I know something or don’t know something, Brittany should not be in it, because Brittany ain’t running her mouth,” Brittany tells the cameras.
“Jax can’t help himself but gossip,” Brittany complains. “It needs to stop,” Janet the gossiper says.
Nia Booko talks about her postpartum struggles
One of Nia Booko’s relatability is her admitting that she has postpartum blues. She talks to her sister-in-law Sally, who went through the same thing and has become an advocate for new moms.
“I’m dealing with some baby blues and the blues aren’t going away. Like, I’m working out, I’m praying, I’m journalling …. and it’s just like, nothing’s working,” she tells Sally over the phone.
Sally tells Nia that “baby blues” are something a new mom experiences a few days or weeks after giving birth but if it’s going on for longer, it could be something more.
“I’ve continued to call it ‘baby blues.’ I don’t want to put like, a heavier label on it because I really am the type of person that don’t want to give it power. But it was nice to hear and she almost like, gave me permission to say that it might be a little bit more than baby blues,” Nia says in a confessional.
“It just lifts a weight off,” she says. She tells Sally that the next step is to talk to a professional. “Don’t be ashamed to reach out for help,” Sally responds.
Jax Taylor takes Brittany Cartwright on a sexy date
Jax admits that he needs to step it up RE: making Brittany happy so he plans a date with Jenelle, an intimacy tantric sexpert.
Apparently, it’s not just about breathing for a long time and then having an orgasm after 12 hours like Sting and Trudy. “We’re going to find out kind of what’s going on in your relationship and your marriage and give both of you some tantric tools,” Jenelle tells them.
Brittany says it’s been over a month since she and Jax have had sex. In a confessional, Brittany reveals that it’s more like two times a year.
Brittany wonders if it’s because Jax isn’t attracted to her anymore after she had Cruz and her body has changed. “Like, I’ve got a lot of stretch marks, I’ve got loose skin, that could be really hard to deal with sometimes,” she tells the cameras.
Jax and Brittany do an intimacy exercise but it’s not landing. “I feel like he tries to put on this front like things aren’t as bad as they actually are. I can tell that Jax doesn’t appreciate me anymore,” Brittany says in a confessional. They look at each other like, “Yeah this totally worked,” but it’s obvious it didn’t.
Jax Taylor tries to convince Luke Broderick that Kristen sucks
Jax, Jason, and Luke Broderick go bowling. Jax’s plan is to make Luke see how cuckoo Kristen is. “That dinner went down fast. This is not healthy for anybody,” Jax says.
Luke asks why Jesse isn’t thrown under the bus and they explain that Kristen wrongly stated that Michelle wants to divorce him. This group sure knows how to nitpick.
“The only thing I said was after the daddy daycare thing, Jesse said jokingly, ‘I don’t think it’s going to last another six months,” Luke tells them.
“Kristen got the information that you gave her, that information that you just said, and it went into her ear and it came out of her mouth as ‘Jesse wants to divorce Michelle,'” Jason the lawyer says.
“She messed up. She said some things wrong,” Luke admits. Jax calls Kristin a liar, and then Luke calls Jax a liar. Jax goes on a rant about how Kristen lies and all her ex-boyfriends hate her.
Luke gets swayed to the dark side. “I’m not blind and deaf. Like, I can still see what’s going on.” He tells the guys he’s going to talk to Kristen.
“I want to have Kristen’s back 24/7. Absolutely. But I just want to get over this, just get past it,” he says in a confessional.
Nia, Danny, Michelle, and Jesse go out on a double date. Nia and Danny do a cute cheers with their drinks which makes Michelle and Jesse see how disconnected they are. “Michelle looks at me like, ‘Don’t kiss me,'” Jesse tells Danny and Nia.
The topic of Kristen inevitably comes up. Michelle thinks Kristen is evil and just wants to talk sh*t about her. Nia tells Michelle that she’s dealing with postpartum feelings and basically says that the drama isn’t anything worth stressing over.
“It’s hard for me to watch everything that’s happening between Kristen and Michelle. At the same time, I feel like it’s too much to take on. I already have so much that I’m dealing with,” Nia cries.
Luke Broderick tells Kristen Doute what’s up
Luke wants to fit in, so he tells Kristen what Jax and Jason told him about his gf. “Jason and Jax said that some people don’t want to be around you and people are afraid of these, like, allegations that aren’t true that are coming out of your mouth when you’re triggered.”
“I mean, the claim that Jesse wanted a divorce in the next two months, that’s not something I ever said to you,” Luke tells Kristen. “You said he’s planning on leaving Michelle in the next couple of months,” Kristen replies.
“No, I said he doesn’t see it lasting more than the next couple or few months,” Luke argues, which is the same thing Kristen said.
Luke wants Kristen to take ownership of the gossip that she spread but she argues, “When you’re terrified about the skeletons that you have, all you got to do is push it on … “
“Let’s stop talking about other people’s skeletons. Just own it. Just say, ‘I shouldn’t have said that,'” Luke tells her. “I think if we’re going to move forward, that’s something that can’t keep happening.”
Ooh, ultimatum time. Kristen is not happy about that.
Mommy and daddy try to have a date night
Jax plans a real date night, not just a therapy session with a tantric sex therapist. He got a hotel room with rose petals and candles. That’s what Brittany wants, stupid.
They eat a chef-prepared meal and Jax tries to convince Brittany that another kid will be a lot of work, especially when he opens his bar. So romantic.
She tells him that she wants to try for another kid soon and he just sighs. Jax is worried that if they have another kid, Cruz won’t get the attention that he needs. “I’m upset that you’re making me feel like that I’m not putting Cruz first,” Brittany says.
Jax and Brittany start arguing and date night is officially ruined.
